Thursday, October 20, 2005

Well no wonder the Muslims think they are the only ones that are in with Go...I mean Allah

From a report of a speech given in a synagogue by the director of a branch of CAIR in Florida comes this snippet;

"He told a story about how the prophet Mohammed was told by God to pray
50 times a day. Then Mohammed met Moses, who pointed out that Jews pray
only three times a day. After some negotiating, God agreed to let
Muslims pray just five times a day."

Mo was kickin with the big boys and NEGOTIATED with God.

No other religion, as far as I have found out, has a prophet that NEGOTIATED with God.

I can just see that now;
(wavy flashback lines)

Mo: Fifty times a day God? But I will live on my knees and have no time for conquering the infidels who should be on their knees to make beheading them easier.

GOD: I am sorry Mo, but I feel that the Jews aren't pious enough, and that whole "chosen people" thing that they have claimed is going to make your run at a worldwide caliphate much harder. You simply MUST be much more pious than them.

Mo; I understand your wish for a more pious group of believers, but we have very little. We are poor tribesmen that wander the desert, and without a lifelong campaign of conquest and subjugation we will never rise to power in your name.

GOD: Well, Mo, actually everyone can come to me if they simply believe in their hearts. I have to tell you that you really don't have a lock on this whole heaven thing.

(Moses whispers in God's ear)

GOD: Mo, how about this, since the Jews are praying three times a day, why don't you guys pray five times a day? That would make you 66% more pious than a Jew.

Mo thinks it over, and discusses it with his closest advisor, Aii'l Su' Ya' Quik'li, (who happened to be the first ever islamic lawyer), and looks up with that famous glint of negotiation in his eyes.

Mo;, Can we still pervert your words and lie about our goals to convert or kill those that won't follow our ways?

GOD: I would prefer you didn't. You know, if you get too radical, Lucifer may invoke certain rights under the Good Vs. Evil clause and it would be out of my hands.

Mo; I can take that chance, what is the word of Lucifer against my thousands of Warriors dedicated to Jihad?

GOD: Mo, I don't believe you are completely understanding the whole concept of these visions, I really...

Mo; Yeah yeah, contracts and obscure Holy Laws....I get it. Let me ask you, if I kill ten thousand Jews and send them your way do i get a commission?

GOD: A commission? What would make you think that I would condone killing ten thousand people of any tribe? I want you to make people get along with each other and help create peace on earth. What is with all of this killing nonsense?

Mo; Well, if people don't not believe that I have spoken to you then they will not adhere to the Holy Ways you have revealed to me. I am going to need proof.

GOD: Mo, did you ever stop to think that the near starvation you are experiencing, coupled with those mushrooms you found, may be causing hallucinations or that I could be Lucifer in disguise trying to capture gullible human souls for the final battle?

Moses hits "God" in the arm and whispers harshly "Shut up!!!! The mushrooms are becoming less intense, get this over with before he sobers up"

"GOD": I'll tell you what, along with the praying only five times a day, anyone that dies in Holy service to me by killing infidels will get 70 virgins in paradise. Deal?

Mo;, OK deal, but I may wish to renegotiate once I am able to stand up....why do you suddenly look like my camel?

(wavy flashback lines)

And there ya have it folks, the "truth" about Mo's "talk" with Moses and God.....hey, it's about as true as that book Mo had a hand in creating.

XPOSTED@Kender's and Cao's

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You don't know of any religion that has a prophet that negotiated with God? Never heard of Abraham (while not technically a prophet, negotiated with God regarding the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah)? There are many instances in Judeo-Christian faith where God changes his mind, and where he can be pursuaded by man.

Indeed, one of the great callings of a Christian is to interceed for the sins of those around them. It's actually one of the amazing aspects of God, how even in his divinity, he pays attention to us and can be moved by us. Were negotiating impossible, our prayers would be much less meaningful.