I Came From........... (Part One)

I am actually from somewhere, actually a few places. Contrary to popular brief I did not just appear to torment my wife and liberals alike. In order of my trek westward, I give you Detroit, Chicago, and Phoenix. Enjoy................

You Know You're From Detroit When...

You call McNichols 6 Mile You pronounce Lahser as "Lasher" You add an "s" on Livernois You own a pair of gators in a variety of colors Your gators match your suit (pink, purple, green, etc.) You`ve had to wait forever for the DOT bus Your car payment is higher than your rent You outfit cost more than your car payment You get your nails and hair done every week just to go to the mall You can do any of the 3,000 hustles You take ballroom hustle lessons You airbrush your toenails You put nail tips and acrylic on your toenails You`re familiar with the term "Dress to Impress" You can find a cabaret on any given Saturday of the year You listen to Mason in the morning on 102.7 FM You know the words to "Hello Detroit" by Sammy Davis Jr. You are mad about the Joe Louis Statue (the fist) in the middle of Jefferson Your neighborhood church is across the street or next door to a liquor store AND a Chinese food restaurant You don`t know the difference between winter white and summer white You've been to a club at 1 am and paid $20 to party for one hour You can buy an outfit, activate your cell phone, and buy lunch at the corner liquor store You get your hair "did" You have Mardi Gras beads from Fishbone`s hanging from your rear view mirror Youo've stopped at a shrimp shack after 2 am (because it tastes the best at this time) You think that Lou's Deli (the Mc Nichols location) has the best corned beef sandwiches! You shop at Cest La Vie You've had to drive a half a mile to make a left turn (The Michigan Left) You drink Faygo pop You've knocked all the hub caps off your car - and your alignment's totally out of whack You go to the Auto Show to find men / women You own a red leather outfit You shop at Mr. Alan`s to get the 2 for $50 deal You shop at City Slicker shoes and the Broadway You know the words to the City Slicker Shoes and the Broadway radio commercials You've been to the Festival in Hart Plaza You own a Navigator or an Expedition and you live with your mother The Cass Corridor is your jogging route. Wednesday is Metro Times day. You have a taste for coney dogs. You can dodge potholes without dropping your cell phone. You can name the CEOs of all the Big 3. You can't get to sleep without the sound of sirens. You hate the city, but you'll kick the ass of anyone who disses it. You love Vernor's and Better Made Chips You refer to the city as "the D." You swim at Belle Isle beach. You bitch about the need for mass transit but know deep down you'd never use it. You know the given names of all the expressways. People get scared when you say you're from here. You have two cars: One for daily use, and one hooptie for extreme occasions. A six-street intersection with a Michigan turn seems logical. You think Devil's Night is celebrated everywhere. If it's less than 10 blocks away, you drive anyway. You are connected to Eminem by 3 or fewer people. You know Eminem and Kid Rock are not actually from Detroit, but Warren (a suburb) and a small farm town. You have ridden the People Mover. When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Detroit.